I'm Feeling Hellas Good

Yo, Athens rules ok. It was exactly a decade since I was here last and either a) my standards of cleanliness have really diminished or b) the Greeks have really cleaned up their act.

It's probably a bit of (doric) column a AND a little bit of column b. Anyways, the food here is cheap and the beers is cold and refreshin'. I'm rooming with a Cambodian Frenchman and a young Korean dude who wonders why Greek women all look like the girl from that tv show 'Ugly Betty.'

Seriously, though, it's great to be out of London. London sucks. Given all my travels this year I'm making a list of my fave and not so fave destinations -- my ex-roommate and current boyfriend Shane made a similar one on his blogs a few months ago.

Top 6 Places

1. Berlin - St. Louis has an arch, Stolkholm has blondes, Berlin has techno.

2. Jerusalem - Feel the love ... of God.

3. La Paz - In the words of Sting, 'walking on the moon.'

4. Luxor - 'Fields of gold' and Karnak. Amazing.

5. Cario - My home away from home.

6. Arequipa - Magic volcanoes, ice mommies and special Incan iced tea. Bam!

Worst 6 Cities

1. London - Overpriced, cold, dirty, pretentious and every minute of it is monitored 24/7 by closed circuit TV. Just throw in English cooking and it's my own personal version of Hell.

2. Sharm el Sheik - I said it before: 'Sharm el Shit ... No Charm, all Shit ... Shit el Shit.'

3. Cologne - Sure, it's home to Kompakt and a nice Dom, but the rest of the town is filled with bitchy, pretentious dikes wearing H&M sunglasses. Ugh.

4. Lima - Like Cairo minus the pyramids.

5. Giza - Like Lima, except with pyramids.

6. Aswan - More like Ass wan.

London

Man, people in London think they're so fucking cool. And they all try SOOOO hard to be cool.

If I see one more Shoreditch hipster hanging around some spray painted alley with white canvas shoes, black skinny jeans, a mini leather jacket and a keffiyeah scarf, I swear I'm going to kidnap the Klaxons, lock them in a deep dark well, starve them, force them to apply skin lotion and dance around with my balls tucked into my legs while listening to an unholy brew of Q Lazzarus, The Cure and Depeche Mode. Seriously.

People in Berlin were cool as fuck because they SIMPLY DIDN'T FUCKING CARE. Got it? That's what being cool means. Not caring. Just ask Jughead, or Snoopy. Or Garfield.

While we're on it, since when did Palestinian scarves become the hottest fashion accessory since, like, being anorexic? Good grief. I go to the Middle East for six months, and I come back to the Western World and everybody is wearing these black and white scarves. It's like I'm in some kind of twisted nightmare world where Toronto sleaze bags MSTRKRFT tour with trance god John Digweed, Daft Punk is overplayed and raving has somehow become an acceptable activity again.

Well, what can I say. I miss Cairo. And Berlin.