London

Man, people in London think they're so fucking cool. And they all try SOOOO hard to be cool.

If I see one more Shoreditch hipster hanging around some spray painted alley with white canvas shoes, black skinny jeans, a mini leather jacket and a keffiyeah scarf, I swear I'm going to kidnap the Klaxons, lock them in a deep dark well, starve them, force them to apply skin lotion and dance around with my balls tucked into my legs while listening to an unholy brew of Q Lazzarus, The Cure and Depeche Mode. Seriously.

People in Berlin were cool as fuck because they SIMPLY DIDN'T FUCKING CARE. Got it? That's what being cool means. Not caring. Just ask Jughead, or Snoopy. Or Garfield.

While we're on it, since when did Palestinian scarves become the hottest fashion accessory since, like, being anorexic? Good grief. I go to the Middle East for six months, and I come back to the Western World and everybody is wearing these black and white scarves. It's like I'm in some kind of twisted nightmare world where Toronto sleaze bags MSTRKRFT tour with trance god John Digweed, Daft Punk is overplayed and raving has somehow become an acceptable activity again.

Well, what can I say. I miss Cairo. And Berlin.